Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize