i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
