How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
