we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
