Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize