I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
3pm strippers are depressing
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
