I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
