What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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