If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
How external is "for external use only"?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize