Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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