yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
