I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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