I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
