Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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