ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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