I forgot how hot balto sounded
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
