Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
