I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
