btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
