This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
