so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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