he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
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I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
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the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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