Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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