Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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