I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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