You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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