some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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