just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
