Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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