apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
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To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
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All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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