saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
