I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
