Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
