you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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