Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
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