If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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