I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
