New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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