And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
