after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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