he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
