1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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