Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
