Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
