My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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