Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
