Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
