we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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