May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
is this the sara with the beer cane?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
