You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
