Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
