i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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