i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
