life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Randomize
