my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I currently don't understand fingers.
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