What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
