I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
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soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
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your like the ambassador to my penis.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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