I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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