I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
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The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
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Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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