right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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