The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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