What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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