No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
