honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
