he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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