im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
