It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
