Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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