I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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